Beware Of Guys That Act Like Used Car Salesmen

We've all met them. You know the type. The "used car salesman" type. The guy who shows more teeth than a crocodile at feeding time (as my friend Bobby likes to say). The guy who never stops smiling and pats your back every few minutes. The ultimate fugazi (fake).

Most of the time these guys are easy to spot, a 5 year old can smell their manipulation, but sometimes, especially if the guy is good, you might mistake the crocodile smile for charm or personality. Smart as people think they are, their BS detectors are often turned off in the presence of someone charismatic and articulate.

When you see a used car salesman, you know right away that you have to be on your guard. If it isn't the gold watch or the excessive cell phones, it's the excessive laughing and incessant back slapping. You know the guy's going to try to play you, and he's a goner once he starts whispering in your ear, "You know I'm not supposed to tell you this but I have a great deal coming..." Shut the hell up.

Spotting The Crocodile Smile

Spotting the "used car salesman" type is easy. You don't need my help in that area. What you do need some help with is the sly,"intelligent used car salesman" type.

There are plenty of friendly people in the world, people too dumb to know they are rejects of society, so they have nothing to complain about and always smile. Call me a cynic, but no one with any sense of reality can ever be over friendly all the time. That's why when I see an intelligent man with a crocodile smile, I know that, unless he has Farrah Fawcett under his table, he shouldn't be smiling so much.

It's these guys that you need to concern yourself with. So how can you tell if someone is looking to use you or manipulate you instead of being friendly? Let's find out.

1. They Pretend To Be Your Best Friend

In my world and in your world, everyone is looking out for themselves. No one is doing anything for the greater good. If you have some guy with a crocodile smile telling you he is looking out for your interests, that he wants you to do well, etc., you should know how worthless that is.

No one is concerned about you beyond a basic superficial need to politely make sure you are not dying. If you are not dying, great. Nobody cares otherwise. People are only loyal to themselves and no one else.

Nobody gives a damn, they're only calling because they want something

No matter how much people tell you they do things with no self interest, don't believe them, it's simply not true and you are a fool to think they do. The only people who do things for you with no self interest are your mother, your kids, your right hand man, and, if you're lucky, maybe your wife too.

2. They Seek You Out Under False Pretenses

We've all been in situations where we receive unexpected phone calls from guys who have no business calling you unless they want your money or a favor or something. Whether it's to chitchat or to ask some dumb questions under the guise that they respect your opinion and want your advice, these are guys who watch out for themselves and themselves only, plain and simple. Whether they are doing their networking crap or trying to slither into your life to use you at a later date, be aware.

I have this guy who always calls me every three months or so. It's like he is going through his Rolodex (phone number organizer), line by line, calling his circle of "people" so he can show off about how many people he knows or tell me about how fabulous and ingenious he is. I always ask him, "To what do I owe this call?" and he never gives me an honest answer. I keep listening and don't hang up because his whole act gives me chuckles, but as soon as he hangs up, I'm saying, "What a f****** idiot," and he's saying, "Another one added to my list. I'm a master networker.

3. They Act Different with Different People

If someone is friendly and smiles at everyone, there should always be consistency in his behavior. It shouldn't be arbitrary, it shouldn't be selective. But the crocodile smilers are nice to the people they want to be nice to, the people they can use. Other people, who they have no use for, they treat like garbage.

One thing I always do to make sure someone is as friendly as they pretend to be is go for a walk with him in an area I know there will be bums around. If the guy is as nice to someone asking him for spare change as he is to people he's trying to fleece or use, then I might question my instincts. If he acts like I know he is going to act, I cut the guy off from my life immediately because he can't be trusted.

Their ethics are compromised...

4. They Compromise Their Ethics

It's funny how crocodile smilers treat ethics. Most will claim outright they are above reproach and have impeccable ethics. That's when they show you their gleaming teeth and tell you that when they die people will say, "here lies an honorable man." Have you ever met a used car salesman who didn't (somewhere in his pitch) mention how honest he is? Yet, when it's convenient for him, rules of ethics are broken and exceptions are made.

Like I said before, if it's in their interest to be ethical, to be perceived as being principled, they'll stick to their guns and do so, but it's only because they can use it as a case in point about their level of honesty when they turn the other cheek to ethics at a later date.

So don't be fooled by people telling you they have your future interests at heart or who show false concern. Beware of guys who come to you under weak, false or insignificant pretenses. These are not loyal guys.

Beware of guys who are inconsistent in their behavior with different people, and beware of anyone who claims to be honest and ethical. If they were, they wouldn't be boasting about it.

Too many teeth shown, too many words said equals red flags all around.

Watch your backs and keep your noses clean.

the audacious truth