"A ready way to lose your friend is to lend him money. Another equally ready way to lose him is to refuse to lend him money. It is six of one and a half dozen of the other."
George Jean Nathan
I came across this quote and this shit couldn't have been said more precisely. It goes without saying that friends and money don't go hand in hand. I don't care how chummy you are, how close you are or how many chicks you've shared with a friend when it comes to money, friendships are always put aside and ego comes into play. When you're talking about money or a favor with some kind of financial value, it never ends well. They say a favor will kill you faster than a bullet. "They" are right.
It happens all over the place. Two gentlemen, two friends, two partners, godfathers to each other's children, turn from blood brothers to deadly enemies. Why? Because one guy had money that belonged to the other, whether it was loaned or part of a business deal.
Even if you have old ties or years of friendship under your belt, it's all forgotten and disregarded when one guy feels he's getting a raw deal. When it comes to the cheese/dough/universal lubricant, the rules among friends get suspended on a meat hook.
So, let's take a look at two scenarios that could destroy a friendship when you mix money and friends.
SCENARIO NO.1
You lend your friend money
Yes, the quickest way to lose a friend is by lending him money. People rarely keep their word. I have little faith in human nature and, as a result, I operate accordingly. Even among crooks, I've learnt not to rarely trust anyone, even someone who would take a bullet for me.
I've learned that lending money to a "friend" results in one of two outcomes:
Outcome No. 1: You come to realize that you are actually gifting money to a friend instead of lending it, because he doesn't have any intention of paying you back and you are not willing to go the distance to get it back. In this outcome, you come out holding nothing more than your testicles...
Outcome No. 2: You get your money and lose your friend, because through a combination of nagging, harassment and threatening, you made the lowlife actually return to you what was rightfully yours, but at the expense of calling him a bitch or fucking anus. You're holding your cash (and your testicles), but you've just lost a friend who doesn't understand why you're mad at him. On the other hand, this is the same friend who backed out of a promise and an understanding you had with him, so how valuable a friend is he in the first place?
You say no. If you're a pathetic pushover who can't help but help people who have no self-control, here's some advice:
Make sure any amount you "lend" is an amount you are willing to write off as a loss. Call it your personal stupidity tax. Never lend over that comfort level (assuming you are not man enough to say "no" in the first place).
Get security. He'll say "Come on." You'll say: "Fine, I won't give you anything then. Why should you get something that is mine and I don't get anything of value that's yours?" Get something of greater value than what you are lending him. You gave him five grand? Get his Rolex worth eight grand. Otherwise, he might just write off the money he owes you because you get to keep something of lesser value...
Set a repayment plan from day one. Get it on paper, get a witness and make the guy pay every month on the same date. This is when having security is worth more than the amount you lend becomes valuable leverage to blackmail him with. Until you get all your money back, never lend out any more. That money is not being put to use by you, so there's opportunity cost, understood?
SCENARIO NO.2
You go into business with your friend
Another classic scenario: You go into business with your homeboy and everything is fine and dandy in the beginning when you're setting up shop. Then you achieve either success or failure. In either case, you are going to be backing into each others corners, protecting your territory, each blowing up your contribution to the business' success or your lack of responsibility for its failure.
In either case, money is going in or out of your pockets and you care more about your bank accounts than the unforgettable weekend in Mombasa that solidified your friendship when you banged a dozen locals together.
Someone always gets bloodied. If you both strike it rich and you have enough cash to buy yourself a couple of houses and fancy nice shit, the problems only escalate because with more money, there's more at stake. You'd think a guy who was rich enough to clean his anus with notes wouldn't waste his time hassling his partner on a successful business plan, but it's the opposite.
Every little point could mean tonnes of cash, so when the pot is big, everyone is going to go to war to protect it.
If the business fails, you'll have fingers pointing in every direction, your friend will be asking why his children can't eat anymore and why the Majembe Auction Mart took his ride and other shit. And if he loves that ride, he will look for every scapegoat under the sun because he needs to blame someone and he'll start with his friend.
So, my advice is to avoid going into business with friends. That can't always be avoided, so I'm gonna give you a few pieces of advice that will save you future problems:
Be aware that, from day one, you are kissing your friendship goodbye. Somewhere, somehow, things will come up and you will stop being drinking partners. And more often than you think, a new girlfriend or wife will poison the well. I once was told a story about two associates who got along and had a successful business for almost a decade until they both got married. The wives hated each other, they started whispering in their husbands' ears about how special they were as opposed to the other guy and there you had it, their successful business shut down. And it was a good thing they had going, not some hand to mouth business.
Anything that needs to be signed should be signed before you open your business. I'll take a baseball bat to anyone who backs out of his word, but you might not find that to be your easiest solution. When you're starting out, everyone's willing to sign anything. When the money starts showing up at the breakfast table, everyone starts looking after their own turf, and you're screwed if you try to put pen to paper on your verbal commitments from back in the day.
Don't make assumptions. Always make clear who does what, who is responsible for what and what everyone's take is. Like I said before, when there's money on the table, idealism goes out the window.
If the guy you're going into business with is a great friend but is also a tricky street smart dude, don't even think of moving ahead with anything. He operate in a different spectrum. We can open doors for you, facilitate certain kinds of transactions and generate cash flow, but it all has a cost. You don't want to know what that is. So turn around and go back to your playground.
SAY NO LIKE A MAN
A friend wants you to lend him money or go into business with you. Tell him: "I love you too much to do that." He'll laugh, you'll laugh. Buy him a drink and change the subject then hope he forgets that silly idea.
the audacious truth
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