Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Deal with The Folks

Good day peoples,

Life is about doing what you must: Being a man who understands his responsibilities and obligations to the family and his crew. One of the most common places I see men forget this obligation is when they’re dealing with parents. Fellas moaning about picking their mother up from the eye doctor or bitching that the old man doesn’t know the score, dude!
 
You never neglect your parents. With all the Cousin Steve's and Aunt Mary's on the family tree, your parents are some of the most important. You try and prune those babies off, the whole tree comes tumbling down. Instead of screaming at ma because she asks too many questions and swinging at pops because he’s breaking your balls, you need to settle down. Put everything in perspective; these are your parents. Understood? There are ways of dealing with the dukes.

Maintain the Rituals
Just like your mother used to make a Sunday gravy every week, you need to make the parents part of your weekly ritual. Some older dudes think leaving the parents’ house means leaving for good. But they took care of you, and you'd better take care of them. Stop by and stock the fridge, take in the papers, pick up the tab on a steak once a week. It’s not only your duty, it’s a form of repayment. There is an ongoing thank-you that should always be maintained. And unless you end up rearing a pair of schmucks, your kids will do the same for you. 

Respect the Hierarchy
Just like in the office, there’s a hierarchy within the family. Your parents are the CEOs, and even if their tenure is up, you’re still expected to honour the title. In everybody's line of work, the boss might be sitting crippled on the couch, not even able to draw a burn card from the deck, but he still gets the respect, the hierarchy never dies. And even if your mom and pop's guidance isn’t acted upon, you never dismiss them. Never make them feel like they’ve worn out the titles. You soak in their every word and nod your head. What you do with those words is up to you, but you always nod your head.

End Arguments Respectfully
I’ve seen guys go crazy over arguments with parents; they’re ready to sever all ties over spilled milk. There’s no sense in that. When it comes to your parents, pretty much everything is redeemable. Arguing is going to be inevitable. You get a bunch of people in a room with the same genetics, you'd better believe there are going to be clashes. But whatever the spark that starts the fire, you should always strive to put out the flames quickly. Don’t stay stubborn through six weeks of silence to prove your point. Two weeks, tops.

Acknowledge Their Humanity
Enough of the crybaby mentality -- you know, guys who sit on their shrink’s couch crying about their childhood. It’s tough to be perfect. I’ve never met one person who could do it. And when it comes to parenting, dude, we all have our faults. The sooner you realize your parents are human, with the usual shortcomings, the better you can learn to accept and deal with your parents. Maybe your mother has a tendency to critique, or your father got creative with the belt, don’t begrudge these mistakes. Learn to emulate the good and to correct the bad. And try to keep those belts in their loops.

Guard Your Own Role
Maybe you have a couple of monsters running around the house, maybe you’re expecting or perhaps you’re a long way off. Whichever the case, you need to guard your role as father of your children. Sometimes it’s tough for your parents not to play a parenting role with the grand kids, trying to let you know what’s best. And though you should always respect their direction, you also have to make sure they realize that the torch has been passed. Mom and the old man are perfect for the weekend babysitting, but when it comes to the rearing, you’re now the don of your domain.

Every family is different. I know that. I’ve seen guys treat their parents like strangers, some like friends and others just send them back home (the village). But whichever category you fall under, the general rules of dealing with parents stay true. They’re the ones who got you here, and a real man respects that. If you play your cards right, your commitments come full circle. You’ll reach that age, an old fella with years of parenting under your belt, and those once-little monsters will come through with a Sunday casserole and unconditional respect. That’s a long-term investment worth making. Understood?

the audacious truth

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